Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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