I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
