Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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