I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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