So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
