So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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