totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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