3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
