My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Found your dick twin last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
