Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
