I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
