I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry my hands just texted you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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