I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
