And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
