he shaved USA in his pubs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
