Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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