$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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