Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
