the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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