Your face is a jimmy john
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
