There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
