it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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