yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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