i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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