you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
