Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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