So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize