YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
