apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
