chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
