why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
