I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
