Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my shit smells like andre
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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