just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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