true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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