Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
