Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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