My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
