She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize