Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need a beard to bite.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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