11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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