your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My first STD was from a foam party
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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