like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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