he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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