Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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