I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
