ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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