You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
