I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
