It's Friday. Sex?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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