I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
