i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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