Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
