I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
