oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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