Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
