So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
