He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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