:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
