I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
