I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
