I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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