apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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