did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
