That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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